Top Ten Lists + Envy = A Solution

PART ONE

I’m big into magazines and started collecting Artforum in college. I gleefully canceled my subscription in my late thirties. I’m sure I learned a few things from the publication, but for the most part, the only thing it ever gave me was jealousy. One would think that would be because I wanted to be reviewed or profiled in the journal more often than I was, but that wasn’t why it continually made me so irate.

It was because I was never asked to write one of their “Top Ten” lists. Even though I probably had no business writing a “Top Ten” list for Artforum, I’ll most likely never forgive them for not asking me. I’ve also been unjustifiably jealous of anyone who’s ever gotten to do a “The 12 Things __________ Can’t Live Without” list for Elle Decor. There is no reason the editors of Elle Anything should know my work or understand why I’d be particularly FANTASTIC at sharing my thoughts with their readers, but I’m still angry about it.

And that’s why I’m finally giving myself what I want. I’m writing a f***ing “Top Ten/Things I Can’t Live Without” List if it’s the last thing I do. And we are lucky enough to live in this world. The world in which there are ways to share our thoughts and find our people without hoping some stiff folks at our favorite publications will somehow realize how awesome we are. We can all just do this stuff now, and we should. You guys are the only audience who matters to me any more anyway, so I look forward to giving you all I’ve got.

Oh yeah, as you’ll see, I also used this as an opportunity to practice something I’m not yet good at, but surprisingly enjoy immensely, which is digital drawing! I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever (you get it) thought I would even flirt with the idea of digital drawing, but I also never imagined I’d be audacious enough to call out Artforum for being dull, predictable and irritating. But we’re here now!

In no particular order:

1. I could write at least ten essays on the subject of YouTube ambience videos, so I’m going to have to try really hard to not overdo this endorsement.

Ever since I experienced (and survived) my mental health crisis, one of the strategies I’ve developed for keeping me calm is that we play comforting, cozy YouTube videos on all of our TVs throughout the day. My particular taste goes to the Winter/Coffee Shop/Jazz/Snowy territory, but trust me…whatever it is that soothes you, someone has made an ambience video for it.

So, if you like the idea of working in that charming coffee shop down the street, but you hate public restrooms and get distracted by the guy being an asshole to the woman behind the counter, you too might enjoy merely pretending to be in public. Simply search for whatever words make you feel good and write “ambience” at the end of it. You’ll thank me later.

2. I’m a full-fledged, binoculars-carrying birder these days, and of the 30+ birds I manage to feed in my tiny yard, the California Scrub Jays are the most fun to interact with. Their bizarre, wobbly hops and head bobs are endlessly entertaining. I’m going to go broke buying peanuts, but it’s all worth it.

3. Potatoes. Sliced raw & salted. Baked. Fried. Mashed. Tater’d. Boiled or hasselbacked. I don’t care what’s going on, but if there’s a potato around, I’m all good. Axomamma is the Incan Goddess of potatoes and I worship at her altar.

4. I started listening to the Back to One podcast because my friend Kevin Corrigan was interviewed in SEVEN different episodes, and nobody should miss a word that comes out of that man’s mouth. All of Kevin’s episodes are extraordinary, like free master classes in both film and life. I took about nine pages of notes if that tells you anything. But the episode of Back to One I need everyone to listen to immediately is the Eric Roberts interview.

In my opinion, Roberts is one of our greatest actors, living or dead, and on top of that, he’s in the running for having the longest list of acting credits on IMDB. Just pick any movie he’s been in, and I guarantee he’ll stand out. I could talk to you for hours about how much I love to hate him in Star 80, or why his Stalked by My Doctor series of Lifetime movies are better than anything Tom Hanks or Leonardo DiCaprio has ever done. And then there’s his real life personality, equally captivating.

In Back to One, Roberts is utterly gleeful while speaking about his long career. He’s full of gratitude for even the worst moments. Roberts has been sober since the mid-nineties, and one can sense from his words the emotional maturity and awakened mind that only comes from being long-term successfully sober for decades after years of addiction. He seems to be at the point we all hope to be, where life is a chance to play, enjoy, do our best, and not let our “failures”, or the attitudes and actions of others, get in our way. It’s inspiring, to say the least.

Here’s an excerpt from the interview (after Roberts spoke about some not-so-pleasant moments on set):

Peter Rinaldi: Is it getting to the point where it’s not worth it to work this hard?
Eric Roberts: Uh, no. You can’t complain, or be disappointed, or be undermined, or give up because of other people’s misgivings.You just have to accept ‘em and rock ’n’ roll.
You can’t retrain them, or reeducate them, or remake them…they are what they are, and you just gotta do your thing with them and get outta their way ‘cause, you know, they have their life to live…just let it go.

5. I’m a white girl with gross, reddish skin and acne scars, so nobody’s asking me for beauty advice. But if anyone out there suffers from the same fate my face does, I’d recommend Dr. Jart’s Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting SPF 30 treatment. It’s the only thing that makes me feel presentable enough to leave the house. And it’s my sunscreen! A true miracle for skin like mine.

6. My friend Josh Robertson recommended to me a set of two documentaries because he knows my infatuation with American Movie (’99). Driver 23 (’99) and Atlas Moth (’01) are about Minneapolis-based rock guitarist/singer Dan Cleveland. He is also a delivery man by day, and married to a female clown until she decides to leave him.

There is a prolonged, to put it mildly, scene in Driver 23 that shows the lengths Dan is willing to go to in order to simply play one rock show to a room of what ended up being about nine people. Watching him force his bandmates to execute near-impossible and wild maneuvers so that he can bring his own stage to the concert (even though the venue already has a stage) is hauntingly analogous to the ill-advised ways I formerly created drawings too enormous and delicate to be removed safely from the rooms I made them in. It’s all about the absurdity of making art, not having the ability to see beyond or outside of one’s creative impulses, and mental illness. It’s as heartbreaking as it is inspiring.

7. Elliot Jackson of Cloak Scents creates the most irresistible handmade fragrances in the world, Sun Rain being the one I cannot live without. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you this thought plagues me at least three times a day: “what if Elliot gets too busy with his music (he’s also in the band Deep Sea Diver!) to continue with Cloak Scents?” I’m forty-seven, have tried hundreds of fragrances throughout the years and NOTHING hits me like Cloak Scents. They’re affordable at $15 each, and every one of them is extraordinary. Bye-bye Tom Ford and your $200 bottles!

8. BOUNDARIES. If you don’t have ‘em, get ‘em. As soon as humanly possible.

A friend recently said to me, “You’re the most boundaried person I know,” and it was by far the best compliment I’ve ever received.

It took a lot of work for me to get here, and even more heartache. After years of intense therapy and working the 12-step program Al-Anon (both of which I’m still active in), I read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, and it all suddenly worked in harmony. Finally.

But don’t throw out your copy of Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More. In fact, read it again.

9. Sure, I’m married to him, but I’d recommend Damien Jurado’s 2022 album Reggae Film Star even if I hated the guy. It’s good enough that I can suggest it to pretty much anyone on Earth and they’ll love it. His voice, the mood, the film & TV references, and the lyrics…all are stellar.

Throughout the album, Damien uses the image of Eddie Smith, a background actor he’s been obsessed with since childhood, as a metaphor for not being appreciated as much as one desires. At least that’s my take on it. Every time these lyrics from “Day of the Robot” hit, I’m in tears:

He dies in this scene

We have to get it right

Step closer to the window

Now fall back, we’ve got you

If you’re unwilling, we have your replacement

If you’ve ever felt even slightly obligated to do things a certain way for someone else at the expense of your dignity and self-esteem, this concept record’s for you. Especially those of us in creative fields with audiences/managers/critics who expect us to be what they want us to be. Families are often guilty of this as well, now that I think of it. Tragically, few recognize that when they ask or suggest that we do what they want because they simply don’t like it when we do it our way, this often means our demise. Ever heard the phrase “suggestions are veiled criticisms”?

10. Let’s talk personalities. I’m an Enneagram Type 5, which means talking to others is always last on my list of priorities, because even a great conversation with someone I adore exhausts me. At the same time, I’m naturally friendly and pleasant (aka I’m from Nebraska), so I’m a walking Mixed Signal. Another way to say this is that I’m an introvert who appears to be an extravert.

Wearing big ass headphones in public has helped me present the personality I actually am, rather than constantly looking like I want directions to a party, even though parties are my living nightmare. Often I just place them on my head as a prop, so I can actually hear each and every voice and sound around me, but nobody needs to know.

Those tiny little things people put inside their ears don’t ward people away because nobody can tell one has them on. But when you wear enormous headphones while on walks or at the grocery store, people tend to realize you don’t want to be in conversation. This isn’t 100% foolproof; occasionally people will ask me to remove them in order to say something to me. But most of the time, I get to live in my own world, even among the masses, and that’s good enough for me.

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God, that felt good. Thank you for allowing me to do that! And, for the record, I wrote that part about not being good at making drawings on my iPad before I drew that scrub jay with his peanut, so I might be getting the hang of this thing!

PART TWO

Listen to me read this postcard to you:

And here are a handful of the postcard drawings I’ve lovingly made for my paid subscribers. You guys have brought me back to the drafting table and I’m forever indebted.

If you’re reading this and want a postcard for yourself, click the button below to find out how to get one❣️